Our Bond

Being a mom is the most challenging thing I have ever done in my life, but more often than not it is the most rewarding and I thank God every day for the family I have been blessed with. When I met Gavin for the first time at age 2 I absolutely adored him and I knew that if he would accept me and love me as much as his Daddy did then we were going to have many more memories together…and I was right. What I didn’t know is how much I was going to love him too. Since day one I have never felt like a stepmom to Gavin and I know that I will never feel that way. Gavin has always treated me as nothing less than his mom and I have never seen him as anything less than my son. There are times I wonder if one day he’s going to realize his biological mom isn’t around as much as I am and he’s going to be hurt by that. I hope and pray all the time that our bond is strong enough to withstand any fears, confusion, or uncertainty he has about his biological mom and her choice to not be here. I know a lot of children wake up one day and they want answers and they often turn their backs to the ones that have always been there for them and who have always loved them…I hope and pray that doesn’t happen to our family. The reason I had all these thoughts in my head today is because yesterday Gavin and I had a huge bonding experience and it touched me dearly. I got a call when I was at work and it was Gavin’s daycare. They had just picked him up from Kindergarten and as soon as he walked into the daycare he started throwing up everywhere. He was projectile vomiting and had already thrown up 6 times when she called me. I immediately ran out of my office and got there as fast as I possibly could. The whole way there I was so worried because he had never thrown up before and all I could think about was being there with him so he wasn’t scared. When I walked into the daycare he was hanging over a trashcan and looked so pitiful. I felt like I couldn’t get to him fast enough so I just started running and I embraced him and we both started crying. It was probably the closest I have ever felt to Gavin in 3 ½ years. I have been there for every moment and memory in his life since he was 2, but this time it was just different. He needed me, he was scared, I was scared and when I saw him I saw the relief on his face and the fear in his eyes disappeared. It melted my heart... I know to most it was just a kid that got sick, but I know to Gavin and me it was more than that. I hope when the time comes that he is feeling confused or hurt that he just remembers those moments he has shared with us and clings tight to me and his Dad. It will be a very long time before he understand why things are the way that they are with his biological mom. And until that time I just want him to enjoy every moment of his childhood and know that his Daddy and I will be at every school event, every baseball game, every soccer game, every night when he goes to sleep and every morning when he wakes up, every tear, every bad dream, every time he is sick, every time he is happy and sad, every time he needs a hug, every time he needs advice, every time he needs a bath, every time he needs a snack, the list goes on and on…. I put EVERY in front of all of those things because we WILL always be there for every single thing he goes through in his life and we wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. We are a team :)